To the author of 26, unmarried and childless...

For the article I'm referencing in this post, please follow this link: http://convergemagazine.com/26-unmarried-and-childless-8736/

Hello.

I am the complete opposite of you. I’ll be 26 in November. I’ve been married for four years in January. At that time, I will have a 3-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son.

I got married at 22. Remember your life choices in your early twenties, and the support (or at least, lack of pressure) you felt? That didn’t exactly exist for me. Twenty two is pretty early to get married, after all. He asked me to marry him in September. We got married in January…and pregnant in March. While we announced with joy our pregnancy and expected due date you could actually see people counting backwards before congratulating me. (You wouldn’t want to congratulate a woman who got pregnant out of wed-lock, you know. That would be outrageous.)

At 23 I gave birth to my daughter.

At 24 I gave birth to my son.

Do you think no one had anything to say? No ‘funny’ comments?

“You do know what causes ‘that’, right”

“You sure have your hands full”

“Are they both yours”

“What do you do all day”

I, too, shouldn’t be overly concerned with what they are saying. And trust me, I'm not. But those comments don’t feel very nice either.

Believe me, I know what causes ‘that’. And please stop referring to my CHILD as a ‘that’. And yes, I have my hands full. Please stop interrupting me while I’m carrying my toddler in one arm, infant in the other and pushing a cart full of groceries to my car.And yes. They are both mine. As if that was your business, perfect stranger.

What do I “do” all day? Oh my. DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED.

Trust me when I tell you that everyone gets those comments and questions. No matter what they do – no matter when they do it. The fact is that people don’t think much, sometimes. Or they forget how it felt to be where you are.  

So while you've been frustrated for maybe a year by these questions and comments, those mid-twenties people who did decide to get married or have babies have been dealing with them for quite some time. So let me offer some advice...

Get over it.  

I know that sounds a little harsh, I wish I could sincerely apologize for that. 

I can't. More importantly, I won't.

Have some confidence in the choices you made. I believe you have done the best you can, and you aren't broken. You aren't running out of time, and your path is 100% right. My path is right, too.  

Have some conviction with your life, and trust that the things you want will come when they are right...for YOU. Not for Aunt Barbara, or that stranger in the grocery store. You are on your timeline, not theirs.  

I think everyone just wants to be asked what's now, what they are struggling with or what brings them joy.  But the fact is that "what is next" is universal. So universal, in fact, that I can apply that question to my 11-month-old son who has just begun to walk and my 90-something-year-old Grandma who just lost her husband of 70 years. It is a conversation starter, and a way for people to try and connect with you. Yes -- It is frustrating and probably a little backwards. It may not help you "feel content" and it doesn't "help you grow", and it may even "make you feel jealous"  -- but don't put that on anybody else and their questions. 

That, my fellow 20-something, is on you.  A simple comment or question from a well-meaning friend or stranger can really have a big impact on how we feel about our current situation. But, I encourage you to take your own advice and ask yourself "what is now". Don’t wait for other people to ask you that.

Find your own contentment, and separate that from other people and their approval of your timeline.  Help yourself grow – do not rely on the opinions of others. Feeling jealous? Go get some perspective. Take a look at that exhausted Mom in aisle 4 who is juggling the diaper bag, grocery list, a few sippy cups and praying their newly potty-trained toddler doesn’t pee at the end of the aisle. You seem to have noted what you have to be grateful for in your current season of life. Talk about that when people ask you unwanted questions. Tell them 'what is now' - even if they don't ask.

You may find your career someday, and you may not. You may get married, you may not. You may have 1 child or 10, or you may have 0. But whatever happens, there is outside commentary for it all. Don't count on other people to highlight the good and minimize the bad. Do that yourself.

Miss America

Did you know that the Miss America pageant was last weekend? This pageant normally comes and goes without me noticing. Not because I don't care, but... well....OK. Yes, it is.  I don't care.

Except this year, I have something to say.

So, by now you may have seen that Miss America is this woman.

Isn't she pretty?

Apparently there has been some sort of backlash because of her race. I'm not sure on all the details, because I don't fill my mind with such foolishness. But, congratulations to her, I'm sure she worked really hard for this honor and I hope she uses the title to inspire young women across America.

Meanwhile, here is the contestant I heard the most about.

 

Isn't she pretty? 

 

She made my facebook newsfeed BLOW UP with posts! I'm guessing you heard of her, too. She is the first contestant to expose tattoos during the pageant. How daring. Also, she is in the Army and apparently likes to bow hunt. Clearly, she isn't the "cookie cutter" pageant contestant. She is beautiful, oh yes. But is this news worthy?

 

Lets review.

She CHOSE to join the Army. (Please don't mistake this for a women-in-the-military post. I'm not touching that subject)

She CHOSE to get a tattoo.

She CHOOSES to hunt, or whatever other hobbies she likes.

 

She has been in CONTROL of the things she is now being celebrated for. Her claim to fame is making waves in the pageant circuit because of her beauty choices. Isn't it great of her to be able to walk so confidently, even though she is in the military and has tattoos and likes to hunt? Shouldn't she be a model of strength for all women? Doesn't she EARN your RESPECT?

 

And here is my point: No. She absolutely doesn't. Those were her choices, and since she CHOSE them she better stinking present them with confidence.

 

Enter Miss Iowa.



Isn't she pretty?

As you can see, she is missing her forearm and hand. Why did we hear little (or nothing) about this contestant? She was BORN with this challenge, and has undoubtedly had more than her fair share of days when she felt low on confidence. This change for her is PERMANENT. There is no removal, no ability to separate from it, no ability to just CHOOSE something different.

She presents it with confidence and tackles sports, hobbies and life with little regard to something that would set so many back. THIS earns my respect.  She didn't choose her CIRCUMSTANCES, but she did choose her ATTITUDE. She chose to not let something she can't change get in her way. She chose to feel beautiful and confident.

Yes, Miss Kansas is beautiful. I'm not here to insult her or her choices in any way. What I am saying is that as a society we have it all wrong. Why didn't this woman make my newsfeed more than once? Why are we celebrating tattoos and hobbies while overlooking one's abilities to overcome significant obstacles?

As a mother to a daughter and an Aunt to a very sweet niece, the messages sent to women concern me greatly. Yes, the things they choose to do make them beautiful. But, the differences they choose to embrace in themselves highlight their beauty and inspire those around them.

We can be beautiful, or we can be beautiful and inspiring. For the little ladies in my life, I'd like to show them examples of the latter. Thanks for being a great example, Miss Iowa.

Crock Pot CLEAN Chili

Here is the recipe I talked about on my facebook page! (Recipes are just a bit long to share in a status update!) 

If you are finding this online, make sure to head on over to FACEBOOK and "like" my page for regular recipes, fitness tips and motivation!

https://www.facebook.com/MOTIVATIONbyMEG

 

 

Clean Chili in the Crock Pot

 

 

Ingredients:

15 oz Black Beans (drained and rinsed)

15 oz Kidney Beans (drained and rinsed)

30 oz Diced Tomatoes (No salt added, if possible!)

15 oz Tomato Sauce

16 oz Vegetable Broth 

4 Celery Stalks, chopped

1 Red Bell Pepper, diced

1 Yellow Onion, diced or minced

3 Cloves Garlic, minced or pressed

1 Tbsp Cumin

1Tbsp Chili Powder

1Tbsp Dried Oregano

1 Tbso Dried Basil

1tsp Honey

1/4 tsp Cinnamon 

1 Pound Ground Beef or Turkey (if desired)

Salt, to taste

 

Directions:

If using meat, brown.

Wash and chop all vegetables. Rinse/drain beans. Add all indredients to crock pot and cook on low for 4-6 hours.

 

This recipes serves about 8 "regular" servings. Double this for an easy-freezable meal that can be warmed up throughout the fall and winter!

 



Honey Mustard Shrimp Salad

A couple weeks ago, I told Captain America I wanted to look into becoming a vegetarian.

I wish I had captured his expression on video. Priceless, I tell you.

While my meat-loving husband overruled my new vegetarian diet, we are in agreement that we are going to make a HUGE effort to eat clean and healthy.That being said, we've had some struggles. We have had to re-train our tastebuds and readjust what "full" feels like. Pumpkin has loved all of our new experiments though, and she is learning a lot helping me in the kitchen.

Today, we made Honey Mustard Shrimp salad for lunch. It was tasty and filling - simple to make and made plenty of leftovers. A good solution for the "what to eat for lunch at work" problem!

So, I'm sharing the recipe with you.

Makes: 6 servings
Calories: 718
Carbs: 110
Fat: 10
Protein: 49 

You'll need...
16 ounces shrimp (Frozen or fresh - but shelled and devined and all that jazz)
30 oz (2 cans) black beans (drained and rinsed)
2 cups corn (I used frozen for more of a "crunch")
2 cups cherry tomatoes
2 oz. lemon juice
4 oz. Honey Mustard dressing (I use the Brianna's all natural dressing - great on fresh fruit or in fruit salads!)
baby spinach

To prepare...
Thaw shrimp (or cook it if you used fresh). I use a bit of butter to sautee the shrimp - just long enough to get it warm!

Place shrimp on bowl with corn, black beans, and chopped tomatoes. Add lemon juice, honey mustard and shrimp. Stir together. Spoon mixture on top of spinach.

And...that's all. Just enjoy!  Keep spinach and shrimp topping apart so spinach doesn't get soggy for leftovers. :) 

Let me know if you tried this recipe - for my Beachbody Challengers, this recipe fits nicely into the slow carb plan - with TONS of protein for your GROWING MUSCLES! :)

Is YOUR body a temple?

 In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 it states:

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit

 who is in you...Therefore, honor God with your bodies"

 

 

 

Your body is a temple.

In my younger days I believe that was told to me in hopes of preventing poor choices regarding boys and tattoos. Also, the phrase was probably preached in hopes of giving youth one more reason to avoid drugs and alcohol. At my present age, I hear and see my peers use this as a reminder to stay fit and trim - or inspiration to eat healthy. 

Ok, so your body is a temple. But - the Bible also calls us to not be vain or focused on physical beauty. So, are those of us striving for a good physique HONORING God with our bodies, or are we going against what He teaches?

 

I've heard it both ways. So, like many things, this is something you have to decide for yourself.

 

Here is what I have learned (so far): 

 





In the couples Bible study we hold weekly, I am learning about my identity in Christ. I would say this is a pretty broad study, because...well...it is a pretty broad subject.  We are now on something like the sixth study, but in the first study there was a lesson I won't forget.

 

The basis of the lesson was that we, as Christians, should strive to be reflections of Christ. Through the eyes of this lesson, I look at the verse in Corinthians previously quoted. "Your bodies are temples"... 

 

I know temple has a specific definition, but for this purpose I'm going to broaden the definition to 'place of worship'. How do you feel when you go to a place of worship?

 

For me, it depends on my current situation. But, I would say some pretty common feelings are relief, peace, joy, comfort, sorrow, grief, love, forgiveness, acceptance, guided, restored, and hopeful.

 

What do you see when you are at a place of worship?

 

Obviously every place is different, but every place of worship I have been to has done their best with what they have. Not all have cushioned pews and stained glass windows, but I have yet to worship in a place with broken windows or trash on the floor. Temples are well-maintained.

 

As a Christian, I should reflect Christ. As a temple, I should reflect a temple. I should do the best with what I have. This means I need to use my knowledge to keep myself healthy. That being said, a temple is more than just walls and pews, as we are more than skin and bones.

 

I think we all know a few people who can be around you and be so peaceful, accepting and loving, while still being authentic and speaking the truth. When I can leave someone's presence and feel restored, encouraged, and loved...I know I have been to a 'temple'.  These people aren't "people pleasers", and they certainly don't just tell you what you want to hear... just like a "temple experience" they speak the truth, and tell you what you need to hear, with the ever-present underlying truth that you are loved, in all your sin.

 

So you see, a temple is the perfect combination of physical maintenance and emotional substance. The two compliment each other in a temple, and work together to show the love of Christ to anyone who comes.

 

Do you?  

 

 

 

 



 

 





Back at it!

Oy.

I can hardly believe it has been over A MONTH since my last entry.

Oh wait, yesssss  I can. The last 6-7 weeks have been crazy around here!

Pumpkin has decided she would now like to be potty trained. Most days, this works pretty well. Occasionally though, I find myself stepping in little puddles around the house...

Little Man is strong-arming his way towards whatever thing he wants to chew on next. I suppose this is called "crawling" but he does this movement only using his arms. Whatever it is, it is a great thing to watch and I am enjoying having him "mobile" now. He is getting to be fun to play and interact with.

Watching the two kids interact is always fun, too. They seem to mostly get along - Little Man is patient with all the "mothering" Pumpkin insists on doing, and she seems to really love "taking care" of him.

Captain America, as usual, is staying busy and being awesome. :)

As for me, well...aside from puddle jumping in my living room and running interference on the things Little Man decides to put in his mouth, I have also started a business!

If you remember, my last blog was about feeling "too small".  I've spent the last few months in monotony - doing necessary but simple and repetitive tasks. I have watched my friends travel, get new jobs, go back to school, vacation with their significant other and make big life changes. Their lives seemed energetic and exciting while mine was...not.

As a disclaimer, this isn't to say I wasn't busy, or didn't feel happy. I'll just say this once: I was busy, I was happy. But I couldn't shake the feeling like I should be doing "something more". 

I thought about going back to school. I talked with several people about it, but no one could suggest a career I got really stoked about. I talked with my Mom, and she suggested something in healthcare. I mentioned I would love to be a hospital director or something - but usually those people have decades of experience in patient care (ie: being a doctor or nurse). I didn't want to do THAT, I just wanted to be the boss! My Mom could understand...I think everyone that knows me can understand that. I just like being the boss!

 



 

I needed to find my passion, and so I did a lot of thinking, and a lot praying. My whole life I have wanted to be several different things - but ALL of them involved serving people. I love people, I care about helping them. It hurts my heart when I think others are hurting, are suffering, or are unhappy. I'm a helper and a fixer...I like to make people happy.  My passion is people. My passion is happiness.

In God's perfect timing, I found my passion around the same time I saw a post from my friend about becoming a beachbody coach. As she described what she did my internal voice was yelling "I WANT TO DO THAT". 

First - As a coach, she was becoming the best version of herself. Physically, mentally, spiritually. My family is and will continue to be demanding, and it is important I give them myself at 100%. So, that was awesomely appealing.

 

Second - She helped other people be 100% too. She shared what she does for herself, and has inspired others to do the same. Not only inspired others...but is HELPING others with encouragement and motivation.

 

Lastly - She was doing this from home. Her family didn't suffer because of it - she was around for everything.

As a coach, she was able to be present with her family, improve her vision of herself, improve her personal relationships and help others improve themselves.

 Also...she is her own boss.

 

 I REALLY needed to be doing this.

I dove in with both feet, with the support of my husband and help from my coach. I'm learning a lot, having some small success and most importantly... really, really enjoying what I do. I'm so thankful for this opportunity and I am excited to help others and make positive changes in myself!

Puppy Too Small

So, I'm having a rough day over here.

Captain America flew home for a funeral for one of his close friends in high school. I am so happy he has the opportunity to say goodbye and be there with his friends. I know this is important to him, and that makes it important to me, too.

For today and tomorrow though, this means that I am alone. Two days is no big deal - ask any military wife. Heck - two months is usually a "short" time away! But time away comes at a price, and it usually includes part (or all) of the mother's sanity.

You don't want to go crazy, but some days you just get there. Singing your ABC's 8,000 times a day with spit up on both shoulders and peanut butter on your pants will eventually lead you to a train of thought that is anything but helpful. I was there today.

I was arguing with myself about the value of being a mother, and lamenting all the "great" stuff I don't do anymore because I am with the kids. I was bemoaning Captain America and all the things he has achieved, reasoning that it isn't fair that he gets to do those things, while I'm home with snot on my sleeve. I was hating hypothetical people in situations that haven't even come yet - trying to convince them, and myself, that what I do is important. Yup. I am aware that is pretty nutty. But, I am also aware that every Mom knows exactly what I am talking about.

Then, right there in the middle of my argument (with myself) Little Man woke up.

So, I went to go feed him and rock him awhile. I thought about my friends, and what they are probably doing and the fun they are having. I remembered one friend in particular, a friend that could talk with you for hours - even though in reality there is very little you have in common. This particular friend was with me all through my pregnancy with Little Man, and I smiled thinking how much she would love to be here holding him right now.

And then I remembered a book by Cyndy Szekeres called Puppy Too Small. I don't have the book in front of me for specific references, but the main idea of the book is that this little puppy was sad about the things he wasn't big enough to do. The more reasonable adults in his life would gently affirm his claim. Yes, he was in fact too small to do some things. But- they would point out- he was the perfect size to do other things that needed to be done.

And then I realized, I am puppy too small. Aren't we all? Whether you are a Mom or not - we all get hung up on what we are too inadequate to do. We are too poor, too busy, too tired, too...whatever.

The fact is we are "just right" for something. I am just right for being Mom to Pumpkin and Little Man.  I am just right for being Captain America's wife. I can gripe about what I can't (or don't get to) do...or I could take pride and find joy in the tasks that I do that no one else can. Sure, everyone can wash dishes and do laundry. But not everyone can sing the perfect bedtime song, or say prayers the way Pumpkin likes. Nobody else knows that when Pumpkin wants an eggo she likes to sit on the counter and watch it toast. Nobody knows what she means when she says the "bunny movie" - except me. I know. Nobody else knows Captain America's favorite meals, the way he likes his laundry folded, or his favorite socks. But I do, because I am just right for this job.

I did something great today, and I know you did, too. I made someone happy, and I know you did, too. You probably didn't do everything you wanted to, I know I didn't.  But you did something- even just one thing- just right. Time will come for me to do all the other great things I think about, and that time will come for you. Today though, it is important to jump off the crazy train and do the great things right in front of us.