For the article I'm referencing in this post, please follow this link: http://convergemagazine.com/26-unmarried-and-childless-8736/
Hello.
I am the complete opposite of you. I’ll be 26 in November. I’ve
been married for four years in January. At that time, I will have a 3-year-old daughter
and a 1-year-old son.
I got married at 22. Remember your life choices in your
early twenties, and the support (or at least, lack of pressure) you felt? That
didn’t exactly exist for me. Twenty two is pretty early to get married, after
all. He asked me to marry him in September. We got married in January…and pregnant in March. While we announced with
joy our pregnancy and expected due date you could actually see people counting
backwards before congratulating me. (You
wouldn’t want to congratulate a woman who got pregnant out of wed-lock, you
know. That would be outrageous.)
At 23 I gave birth to my daughter.
At 24 I gave birth to my son.
Do you think no one had anything to say? No ‘funny’
comments?
“You do know what causes ‘that’, right”
“You sure have your hands full”
“Are they both
yours”
“What do you do all day”
I, too, shouldn’t be overly concerned with what they are
saying. And trust me, I'm not. But those comments don’t feel very
nice either.
Believe me, I know what causes ‘that’. And please stop
referring to my CHILD as a ‘that’. And yes, I have my hands full. Please stop
interrupting me while I’m carrying my toddler in one arm, infant in the other
and pushing a cart full of groceries to my car.And yes. They are both mine. As if that was your business,
perfect stranger.
What do I “do” all day? Oh my. DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED.
Trust me when I tell you that everyone gets those comments
and questions. No matter what they do – no matter when they do it. The fact is
that people don’t think much, sometimes. Or they forget how it felt to be where
you are.
So while you've been frustrated for maybe a year by these questions and comments, those mid-twenties people who did decide to get married or have babies have been dealing with them for quite some time. So let me offer some advice...
Get over it.
I know that sounds a little harsh, I wish I could sincerely apologize for that.
I can't. More importantly, I won't.
Have some confidence in the choices you made. I believe you have done the best you can, and you aren't broken. You aren't running out of time, and your path is 100% right. My path is right, too.
Have some conviction with your life, and trust that the things you want will come when they are right...for YOU. Not for Aunt Barbara, or that stranger in the grocery store. You are on your timeline, not theirs.
I think everyone just wants to be asked what's now, what
they are struggling with or what brings them joy. But the fact is that
"what is next" is universal. So universal, in fact, that I can
apply that question to my 11-month-old son who has just begun to walk and my
90-something-year-old Grandma who just lost her husband of 70 years. It is a conversation starter, and a way for people to try and connect with you. Yes --
It is frustrating and probably a little backwards. It may not help you "feel content" and it doesn't
"help you grow", and it may even "make you feel
jealous" -- but don't put that on anybody else and their
questions.
That, my fellow 20-something, is on you. A simple
comment or question from a well-meaning friend or stranger can really have
a big impact on how we feel about our current situation. But, I encourage you
to take your own advice and ask yourself "what is
now". Don’t wait for other people to ask you that.
Find your own contentment, and separate that
from other people and their approval of your timeline. Help yourself grow – do not rely on the
opinions of others. Feeling jealous? Go get some perspective. Take a look at
that exhausted Mom in aisle 4 who is juggling the diaper bag, grocery list, a
few sippy cups and praying their newly potty-trained toddler doesn’t pee at the
end of the aisle. You seem to have noted what you have to be grateful for in your current season of life. Talk about that when people ask you unwanted questions. Tell them 'what is now' - even if they don't ask.
You may find your career someday, and you may not. You may get married, you may not. You may have 1 child or 10, or you may have 0. But whatever happens, there is outside commentary for it all. Don't count on other people to highlight the good and minimize the bad. Do that yourself.
