Puppy Too Small

So, I'm having a rough day over here.

Captain America flew home for a funeral for one of his close friends in high school. I am so happy he has the opportunity to say goodbye and be there with his friends. I know this is important to him, and that makes it important to me, too.

For today and tomorrow though, this means that I am alone. Two days is no big deal - ask any military wife. Heck - two months is usually a "short" time away! But time away comes at a price, and it usually includes part (or all) of the mother's sanity.

You don't want to go crazy, but some days you just get there. Singing your ABC's 8,000 times a day with spit up on both shoulders and peanut butter on your pants will eventually lead you to a train of thought that is anything but helpful. I was there today.

I was arguing with myself about the value of being a mother, and lamenting all the "great" stuff I don't do anymore because I am with the kids. I was bemoaning Captain America and all the things he has achieved, reasoning that it isn't fair that he gets to do those things, while I'm home with snot on my sleeve. I was hating hypothetical people in situations that haven't even come yet - trying to convince them, and myself, that what I do is important. Yup. I am aware that is pretty nutty. But, I am also aware that every Mom knows exactly what I am talking about.

Then, right there in the middle of my argument (with myself) Little Man woke up.

So, I went to go feed him and rock him awhile. I thought about my friends, and what they are probably doing and the fun they are having. I remembered one friend in particular, a friend that could talk with you for hours - even though in reality there is very little you have in common. This particular friend was with me all through my pregnancy with Little Man, and I smiled thinking how much she would love to be here holding him right now.

And then I remembered a book by Cyndy Szekeres called Puppy Too Small. I don't have the book in front of me for specific references, but the main idea of the book is that this little puppy was sad about the things he wasn't big enough to do. The more reasonable adults in his life would gently affirm his claim. Yes, he was in fact too small to do some things. But- they would point out- he was the perfect size to do other things that needed to be done.

And then I realized, I am puppy too small. Aren't we all? Whether you are a Mom or not - we all get hung up on what we are too inadequate to do. We are too poor, too busy, too tired, too...whatever.

The fact is we are "just right" for something. I am just right for being Mom to Pumpkin and Little Man.  I am just right for being Captain America's wife. I can gripe about what I can't (or don't get to) do...or I could take pride and find joy in the tasks that I do that no one else can. Sure, everyone can wash dishes and do laundry. But not everyone can sing the perfect bedtime song, or say prayers the way Pumpkin likes. Nobody else knows that when Pumpkin wants an eggo she likes to sit on the counter and watch it toast. Nobody knows what she means when she says the "bunny movie" - except me. I know. Nobody else knows Captain America's favorite meals, the way he likes his laundry folded, or his favorite socks. But I do, because I am just right for this job.

I did something great today, and I know you did, too. I made someone happy, and I know you did, too. You probably didn't do everything you wanted to, I know I didn't.  But you did something- even just one thing- just right. Time will come for me to do all the other great things I think about, and that time will come for you. Today though, it is important to jump off the crazy train and do the great things right in front of us.

So I may be a little annoyed.

It's been awhile, I know.

But - I still remember my login name and password...so it hasn't been that long. And I've had good reasons for not hanging out at my keyboard and sharing my thoughts with whoever happens to read this.

I've been busy.

There, that is my reason.

Oh - and I've been so incredibly annoyed by several different topics lately that I haven't been able to narrow down which topic I want to dive into first.

Remember on my first blog when I said I'd be real, and share some things other generations would probably be against talking so publicly about? This is one of those posts. So if you are of a more conservative viewpoint - you've been warned.

I've just signed off facebook, a sure place to go if you want to get fired up about an opposing view. Fired up is one thing, and I actually kind of enjoy the intellectual exercise of reading others opinions and doing my own research. For those of you who really know me, you know that I enjoy a good debate. I thoroughly respect people that can explain their views to me logically while still respecting my views and opinions.

What's that you say? People can disagree and still talk about it and be friends later?

Crazy, I know.

But here is the thing -- that is almost impossible now. It isn't just a simple "firing up" anymore - it is an assault. People on facebook and other social media sites have gotten completely out of hand. Random people get into heated debates about issues they do not even understand. This happens with many issues, but the one that aggravates me at this moment is the view on women.

Maybe I don't just hate it on social media sites. I hate it in the media. I hate it on the streets. I hate it in the store. I hate it everywhere I am. I hate that woman are talked about like we need to be advocated for. Victims need advocates. Helpless people need advocates. People without voices need advocates. I am certainly none of those, and am annoyed by the implication.

I'm annoyed by the posts and witty memes saying something to the effect of "real women have curves" or "real women aren't a size 4" or whatever other idiotic claim people want to make to help themselves feel good about their own bodies. Guess what? I think you are beautiful. But guess what? I think I'm beautiful, too. And 100% "real"...whatever that even means. Do you see me saying "Losing weight is so easy and no one has an excuse to carry around an extra 10 pounds".  No. Because that is rude, and judgemental. I'm not questioning your authenticity as a woman based on ANY physical aspect. So how about you stop doing it to other people.

Duh.

Further - I'm annoyed by the shock my doctors have when I tell them I don't want to be on birth control. (Too much? Sorry, I'm not sorry. If everyone else can talk about it then I can too.)  Being able to have a baby is a gift from God. Who am I to reject it, or make it fit into my idea of perfect timing? Why should I be prescribed a drug because my body does what it was scientifically made to do? If birth control really is a "choice" why is everyone so shocked by my CHOICE to NOT use it?  

Duh.



But, the seesaw tips the other way as well. I accidently stumbled upon the most ignorant and insulting facebook page and it raised my heart rate considerably. It is safe to say I am annoyed by this, as well.  Classified as a comedian (must be a pretty broad term these days...) with content exclusive to the military theme, this page posted the most crude and insulting things I have ever read. I'm embarrassed it even exists - and disappointed that the first amendment affords these people the right to be idiots as publicly as they are.

It hurts my heart to know that not all men see women the way Captain America does. The page I read first made me annoyed, then infuriated, then just so completely grateful God gave me a man that is strong enough to respect me as a woman, in a traditional female role.

So often what I do is looked down on by society. I got married young, and had children young because I must have been "unaware" of the other (read: better) opportunities I could have had. It must have been a mistake. I stay home with the kids, but I could probably be using my abilities to "make a bigger difference" or "be more successful". ((((That's not my view at all, and I'm anxious to finish a post I've been working on about my view of motherhood. Stay tuned for that to be completed. ))))

But, when society gets me feeling blue about my "lack of" accomplishments, I'm thankful that my home tells me differently. I'm home for Captain America and I'm home for my children. They appreciate it, they tell me I'm beautiful, they know I'm real.

And, I think they are all pretty stoked I'm not on birth control.

So bam. Take that, out of control facebook posters.